Arizona's players of Caucasian descent set the white man back 50 years into the past in terms of basketball. I am writing this immediately after watching the collapse of both the Wildcats' tournament hopes and my chances of winning the Bucket Squad Sports Reports (Your #1 Source for All Things Sports) Mega March Madness Matchup Monstrosity.
I would like to direct my wrath at none other than #10 for Arizona (who I won't even dignify by writing his name). The NCAA needs to launch an investigation on this man because the only way to explain the sheer ineptitude of his performance is that he was being paid to throw the game. I've never seen a more pathetic looking individual attempt to play the game of basketball. James Naismith would have never invented the sport if he knew this guy was going to try his hand at it 120 years later.
#10's final stat line tonight: 2 points on 0/8 shooting and 4 turnovers. His first turnover came just minutes after tipoff, when he tossed the ball straight out of bounds on a wide open fast break (I'm not exaggerating). Two of his other turnovers were passes thrown directly out of bounds, far away from any nearby teammate to which he was trying to pass. He had a moment that had me genuinely laughing out loud when the ball bounced off of him and up toward the rim on an offensive rebound, and he started spinning around to attempt to locate wherever on earth the ball had gone. I would assume he's not familiar with the sensation of the ball approaching the net after it was last contacted by him. I won't even discuss the fact that he also had a LANE VIOLATION to take away one of his teammates' free throws late in the second half.
#10 is a certified waste of space and deserves a cruel and unusual punishment whenever it is confirmed that he cheated his team out of a spot in the Elite 8. He wasn't the only white guy for Arizona who looked like part of a Make-a-Wish moment tonight, but he was the only one with absolutely ZERO redeeming plays to give him credit for. Benedict Mathurin deserved so much better than to go out the way that he did behind these losers that he somehow managed to put up with for the whole course of the season.
You may be wondering why I'm so angry about the Arizona loss. Well, that's because they were my one final hope of not having to pay someone $100 for winning this stupid challenge. And not only did I not win this stupid challenge, I lost by a long shot. I didn't get a SINGLE ELITE EIGHT TEAM CORRECT! What are even the odds of that? I don't know how it's possible for someone to fill out a bracket in a serious manner and miss every single game from the Sweet 16 and beyond. It's baffling to me, but I knew this was going to be an even crazier March Madness than usual due to there not being any real dominant teams in the field. Yet I still went with a lot of the common favorites, so I can only blame myself (and #10 for Arizona).
Anyway, the losses from Gonzaga and Arizona on the first night of the Sweet 16 matchups have now officially taken away everyone's champion and delivered a near final blow to just about all our brackets. The possible points remaining totals are now disappointingly low for everyone, so only a couple people still have a legitimate shot at winning and taking my money. Here's the leaderboard after the first half of Sweet 16 games.
1. Trizzy (460 points, 280 PPR)
2. Don't Matter, Go Vols (430 points, 160 PPR)
T3. Andrew's Bracket (420 points, 280 PPR)
T3. BallaStatus479422890 (420 points, 40 PPR)
5. groovypup (410 points, 40 PPR)
6. Feelslike2022 (390 points, 160 PPR)
7. Swatson (370 points, 0 PPR)
I hope everyone has a good day today except for #10 from Arizona. May a thousand plagues befall him.
Written by Nick Swatson